#Negative words full#

Removing the guess work, gives your child a clear direction of what they should be doing without using negative wording.īRINGING CHANGE TO OUR HOUSE WITH POSITIVE LANGUAGE Can you please bounce the ball outside instead of in the house?.Let’s walk in the house, if we run, we can get hurt.Our hands aren’t for hitting, we can put them in our pockets or clap them when feel like they might hit.Let’s use our shovel to scoop it up instead. Instead of saying, “stop” or “no,” phrase the statement like this: This removes the confusion and gray area left open for interpretation by your child about what they are doing wrong and what you want them to do instead. What it comes down to is being specific about what we’d like our children to stop doing, and what we’d like them to do instead. Little kids like toddlers and preschoolers don’t have this level of thinking yet, so telling them to stop is pointless because they can deduce what you want them to “stop” doing just from the word alone. Using certain words are confusing for kids because they don’t tell your child what you want them to do.įor example, telling your child to “Stop” doesn’t give clear directions, other than letting the child try to find on their own what they should and shouldn’t be doing. When you put more thought into your reactions, you give children clear guidance, without making them confused or feel bad about themselves.ĭefaulting to negative language, is like asking for power struggles, back-talk, tantrums, and our children likely not listening and ignoring us. There’s no confusion of your expectations of their behavior.

Positive language clearly shows children what you want them to stop doing and what you’d like for them to do instead, in a gentle way. It’s also discouraging to be told “no,” “stop,” “don’t” all the time, and can even make children feel like there is no point in trying to do right. Negative wording is hard for children to understand because they don’t know what you want them to stop doing and what to do instead. Researched shows how negative language impacts children – particularly how much confusion it creates, the internal resistance this stirs inside of them and how continued negative language makes children feel discouraged they’re always doing something wrong or “being bad.” I was responsible for creating an unhealthy environment with the way I spoke to my kids and if I wanted things to change, it had to come from the top down – me. To add fuel to the fire, I was also using words with negative connotations – stop, no, don’t, knock it off, etc.

What I was doing was permissive parenting, the exact opposite of positive parenting. What I was doing was barking commands from the kitchen without enforcing limits, and my voice wasn’t calm or respectful. I’ve been doing my best at trying to follow the guidelines of positive parenting, but this wasn’t positive parenting at all. In fact, I was more rattled than he was about raising my voice. He wasn’t in the least bit phased by my stern tone of voice or hands on the hips Mom pose. It was clear I wasn’t getting through to him. It struck me that he didn’t miss a beat when I told him to stop and was already setting his sights back to tormenting his little sister. He looked at me undeterred, turned on his heels and headed in a direct path towards the playroom. The back and forth went on for nearly 10 minutes before I left my post in the kitchen, having just pulled a pan of cooked chicken off the stove, to finally stop my son in his tracks and tell him in a fierce voice to “KNOCK IT OFF!” I was being a lazy couch parent, you know when you’re aware of what’s going on, but not actively parenting except for the times you throw out directives or worse, empty threats, like… While I was trying not to burn anything, the kids were in the living room within eye-sight, although my parenting was side-line referee at best.

#Negative words full#

I was throwing noodles in a pot of boiling water and finishing up dicing vegetables, knowing full well there was less than a 50% chance my kids would eat them. My husband was working late which meant I was solo for both dinner and bedtime, having barely made it through the after-school explosion of energy and couch surfing. I was moving around the kitchen trying my best to round up dinner with limited ingredients. The solution? Using positive language to gain cooperation and have a positive relationship. Negative language impacts kids it creates confusion and makes them feel discouraged they can’t do anything right.